I am who I am because of who my Grandma is.

I am who I am because of who my grandma is.

I say “is” because she lived her life in such a way that she is still alive today. Not only in memories and attributes she deposited in each of us, but also before the throne of her father. Now fully alive, even more alive than she ever was here.

If there is anything that anyone could ever express about Grandma Pat, it’s of her love. The love that she tangibly expresses daily is one that reflects the heart of God. She was at EVERY major event in my life. Selflessly, in every way imaginable it flows from her.  Her joy-filled smile to express her excitement to see you, sharing who she is with anyone and everyone she meets. She doesn’t just hold love in her heart, but expresses it to make a lasting impact on the world.

My Grandma is a LOVER.

One thing that blesses my heart is that she is always giving.  She would save up her change and give me a bag full to give to missionaries in Africa. It would only be a few dollars worth, but she gives what she has. She made up a shoebox each year to send Christmas gifts to those who have so little. Whenever I traveled out of the country for missions she gave $5 each month to support what Jesus and I were up to. She is always quick to pull out orange Tic Tacs or some goody to fill your sweet tooth. 

My Grandma is a GIVER.

            A good word is never to far from my grandma’s lips. She is quick to point out a job well done. A card sent out for every occasion signed with Love ‘N Prayers from Grandma Pat.

My Grandma is an ENCOURAGER.

            Once we pulled out every stuffed animal in the yard, made snacks, crowns out of little white flowers to celebrate the marriage of our Teddy bears and threw them a huge wedding party.

            With every game a life lesson learned: lessons about how to enter in, of how to be prepared for any given situation. She knows how to value a child and validate them recognizing where they are at and investing and encouraging their play.

My Grandma is an ENGAGER and a TEACHER, PRESENT to every opportunity.

            When she’d stay with us, night after night would be filled with stories of the “Good Old Days” as I would call it. Sharing the details of life’s ups and downs many of her kids and their lives and maybe a handful of others here. At bed time, Gabby and I would beg for one more Good Old Day Story.

My Grandma is a STORYTELLER.

            My grandma is not afraid to take risks, break through social norms to love, protect, care for and be with kids or grandkids. Her travels are many from the picnics in the park, to venturing around the country, and even to Costa Rica. Nothing can hold her back with boldness and extreme vigor she goes forward.

My grandma is an ADVENTUROUS PIONEER

            She would punch holes in construction paper and have us weave yarn through the holes with a needle made of cardboard. She made every Halloween costume, p.j.s, shirts, pillos, scrunchies for birthdays and Christmas. She decorated her apartment with each season. We made SO many crafts: pencil holders, play dough, collages- I can’t even count the number of crafts we completed.

My Grandma is CREATIVE and CRAFTY.

            These are just a few of the many attributes my grandma shares and holds. Many, I’m sure, gained along the way. Swimming through many of life’s waters, both rough and smooth. No matter how turbulent the waters she swims through with such poise and grace. And even know, I can’t help but think she is swimming .

I want to invite you into something…

I’ve been thinking about heaven a lot in the last couple of weeks. So imagine with me a moment.

4 After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice which I had heard addressing me like [the calling of] a ^[a]war trumpet said, Come up here, and I will show you what must take place in the future.

² At once I came under the [Holy] Spirit’s power, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with One seated on the throne!

³ And He Who sat there appeared like [the crystalline brightness of] jasper and [the fiery] sardius, and encircling the throne there was a halo that looked like [a rainbow of] emerald.

⁴ Twenty-four other thrones surrounded the throne, and seated on these thrones were twenty-four elders (^[b]the members of the heavenly Sanhedrin), arrayed in white clothing, with crowns of gold upon their heads.

⁵ Out from the throne came flashes of lightning and rumblings and peals of thunder, and in front of the throne seven blazing torches burned, which are the seven Spirits of God [^[c]the sevenfold Holy Spirit];

⁶ And in front of the throne there was also what looked like a transparent glassy sea, as if of crystal. And around the throne, in the center at each side of the throne, were four living creatures (beings) who were full of eyes in front and behind [with intelligence as to what is before and at the rear of them].

⁷ The first living creature (being) was like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature had the face of a man, and the fourth living creature [was] like a flying eagle.

⁸ And the four living creatures, individually having six wings, were full of eyes all over and within [underneath their wings]; and day and night they never stop saying, Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty (Omnipotent), Who was and Who is and Who is to come.

⁹ And whenever the living creatures offer glory and honor and thanksgiving to Him Who sits on the throne, Who lives forever and ever (through the eternities of the eternities),

¹⁰ The twenty-four elders (^[d]the members of the heavenly Sanhedrin) fall prostrate before Him Who is sitting on the throne, and they worship Him Who lives forever and ever; and they throw down their crowns before the throne, crying out,

¹¹ Worthy are You, our Lord and God, to receive the glory and the honor and dominion, for You created all things; by Your will they were [brought into being] and were created.

            -Revelation 4:1-10 Amplified Version

Because of who Grandma Pat is, what draws me particularly lately is the sea of glass. Liquid like sea? Solid like glass? Is it both? Regardless I can totally picture grandma swimming around the throne praising the Lord with an aquatic dance.

            She lived her life responding to the invitation of her Father. She started that dance, that life here and paved the way for me, and many here to enter in and truly live life.

untittled: being in process

I love this beautiful journey of becoming, and simply being who we are. Right here right now.

There's beauty in simple honesty with one's self and with others-  it's sacred ground.

Because you couldn't be just anyone- you are uniquely you. Every state your heart has taken, every shape to fit the mold- it's all beautiful.

And when the molds are changing shape- it's beautiful.

And when every thing's undone-it's beautiful.

Every tear, every breath -it's beautiful.

Every glimpse of more, every hope filled giggle- it's all beauty in the making.

Beauty is here. Beauty is now.
Now, have we the boldness to notice? to truly see, to let be seen? To embrace one another in the midst of it all, the incomplete and the not yet?

We are beings of beauty, every breath of the way.

Faith in What?

What I believe, and how I believe is ever being transformed. Some recent stirrings of my heart, and some good conversations inspired this. This isn't concrete or set in stone. Like anything within my life and heart, I desire for this to be malleable.

I believe that God is love. He - (I don't think that God is limited to one gender, I think that since we are created in His image both male and female the coming together of man and woman greater exemplifies the character of God-but I use the pronoun He, because it's just easier)- He is so much more- but ultimately love. I don't think that He's far off, rather SO near- tangibly expressing that love in both the extravagant and the most minute of details. Always communicating and if we are just willing to notice we'd be able to enter into some pretty awesome conversations. I believe that He has SO much for us. He has so much to give, and draw out within us. 

I think that we are His works of art, and He is so invested, in seeing us learn, grow, and meet our full potential. He is committed. I feel like each of us embody certain characteristics of Him, and that the entirety of the universe is filled with the anticipation of us becoming all that He's created us to be. And first and foremost (aside from what we DO) that anticipation built up around us knowing who we truly are- sons and daughters of the living God. Sons and daughters of our King! And with Him being King- and us being his BELOVED children- there is an inheritance with that, an authority that we have on this earth now and in the age to come. 

As His children, not only are we taken care of by Him, but empowered to create or reshape life both in the tangible realm and the unseen. Partnering with Him as powerfully creative life forces, since He has come to give us life and life abundantly. I think that we are unsettled with things pertaining only to this realm as the longings we hold within our hearts can only truly be satisfied within our connection with Him. I think that matters of our hearts can hinder that connectedness with Him- not from His standpoint, as I believe His heart is ALWAYS for us, and He is always pursuing us in love. Rather, from our temporal inability to to let go of whatever we are holding and embrace him. (Like in the Garden when God was looking for Adam and he had been hiding.) 

So I think that sin separates us from God, not because God can't get his hands dirty, but because we spend so much effort distancing ourselves due to shame. I think that the purpose of the law was to exemplify how much we couldn't do this life within our own strength and that we are dependent upon God. I think that the commandments were things to help us govern our hearts, and the life that we share with others- a template for how to love well. That this life is about loving God, ourselves, and others with all that we are. And I think that that's where Jesus comes in. 

I believe that we encounter a triune God. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And because we can tend to get so wrapped up in performance and the tallies either for or against us, that He came to walk among us- show us how to live dependently upon God, and to shake up everything we ever clung to (whether that be people, places, profession, ideas, etc). He showed us how to truly live in the laying down of His life. He demonstrated that there is life in the laying down of our lives. THAT is love. Emptying out yourself for another person. (but not from that needy I don't value myself but I value you to give up all that I am for you type of way. But from a knowing and experiencing your place of power and surrendering that completely to another). I feel like the reality of life entails learning to live as we are. LOVED. Outrageously and relentlessly loved. And from that place of being loved, loving others. I see community playing a vital role within this. The relationships with our family and friends being both the soil and the tools for this love to develop and grow. These relationships both reveal the truth of what love is, and what it is not. But that ultimately God is above all things, in Him all things hold together. Our relationships, our lives. And our time here we're learning to trust that. To trust Him.

to the comatose

lift up your eyes, o you people
lift them up to the Lord, for it is He that has shone light upon your path
it is He that rescues you
He that saves, heals, sets free
can you not see that it was He who has been beside you? upholding your steps.
open your eyes.
see Light for Light.
dark for dark.
Truth for Truth.
and lie for lie.
you have eyes to see and ears to hear.
they have seen and have heard before.
you have seen and heard.

open up!
open your hearts, your lives
before the Lord, before each other.
there is no need to hide or protect any longer.
for He makes you whole and HE is your defense.
HE is your strength and your song!
do you not remember?
awake! awake!
awake! awake!
you will yet again see, you will yet again hear.
you will taste and see that the Lord is good, that HE alone is God: your sustainer.

Encouragement and an Exuberant Embracement of the Single Status

A little bit of a rewrite from my Sleepless in Seattle Blog (circa 2009), but a story worth revisiting, especially on a day like today :)

There was so much beauty to drink in when canoeing down this river. It simply took my breath away. On this particular day, in addition to the raw natural beauty we passed, the man-made structures that were built along the riverbed caught my eye. I was mesmerized by all of the interesting houses with their differing shapes. Features I'd never before seen. My mind drifted to thoughts of the possibility of one day building a house, embracing some of the architecture from this trip sketching in my mind plans for a future. Mind continued to wander. Maybe my (future) husband and I would build one together. Or maybe even before then. I had been thinking of marriage a lot during this time period. I ended up telling God that I wanted someone to romance me. "I want to be romanced... Swept off my feet" Just one of those little passing thought prayers that you don't spend to much time thinking about.

Quite some time later on this same canoeing expedition, I see this little red object bobbing up and down with the flow of the river. As we continued forward, I tried to take a better look to identify what this intriguing bright red THING could be. Before I knew it my hand was in the water fishing it out so that I could get a better look. When I realized what it was, I couldn't help but smile.

A rose.
A single
fresh cut
red rose.
BEAUTIFUL.

God had not only heard my prayer, but HE romanced me.
It was beautiful.
And I love Him.
He's quite a romantic one...

<3

Another good post that I came across for today from October of 2010

I praise God for my singleness!

He has given me time
to spend in the secret place
He and I.
My beloved.
The place where I get to know His heart and
He gets to explore mine
Mine.
As in:
JUST ME.

I can catch a plane at a moments notice
without a care in the world
I have wings to soar with
Not that I won't soar when I'm married-
I'm just learning to fly high now
Yes, someday it will be alongside someone-
and maybe we'll fly to even greater heights
BUT- I won't be a rookie to the air :)

God has given ME this time to explore
and discover
I've thought for so long
this state of singleness was a holding pattern
For when both I and my future husband are ready for each other
BUT
It's not
This is a gift
That will be a gift too
This is my gift now.

I've started a list of what I want to do while I am still single
What things do you want to do to embrace the season you are in?

(for those of you who presently know me, this is two years and two months prior to me being involved in the airline industry. It "just so happened" that I related the depth of my relationship with God to the heights reached in flying :)

<3

Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing. But being single is a beautiful thing too! Take time to discover, embrace, and challenge yourself. Take risks- apply for that job, create that work of art, walk across the pacific ocean, or fly to Mars. It's not too far-fetched. Embrace the dreams your heart hold. Embrace the people you encounter at school, at work, in the passing on the street. Embrace open armedly the fullness of what you have to offer this life and what Life has to offer you.

And know: you're not alone <3

To love... A LOT

I really don't know much scripture... but. I've heard murmurings of this among the body of Christ.

"We need to love God first, our spouses second, children third, family/ministry etc" list trickles outward. But this hierarchy seems two dimensional to me. I understand the concept, it seems like a good one at that! But, we don't live in a two dimensional world, and I feel like we could go deeper- I feel like this is a rightly ordered list of priorities of where we should be investing our time, and I feel like my thoughts on the subject would likely reflect a similar pattern. But. This deals with a position of our hearts, and not a checklist. The checklist mentality is what I want to challenge.

We are called to love God with all of our heart, all of our soul, and all of our might. So let's love God! lavishly, unrelentingly, passionately- love Him with all you've got!

But does it end there? I personally don't think so. As we enter into relationship with this God that we love, and we are open to the love that He has for us- it can't help but flow outward ... My question is: could we love ourselves, and love our neighbors in a similar way- with all of our heart, soul, and might? Are we limited to only loving God in this way? If we are- that would be awesome- because he LOVES, and he loves well.

I'm not wanting to dethrone God here, by any means- we give honor where honor is due! (And he is DEFINITELY due some good honoring). I just feel like if we are truly loving God, and open armedly receiving his love- we won't be able but help loving ourselves and loving others with this multifaceted depth.

God is love.
So when we are loving- whether it be Him, ourselves, or others- it's an expression of Him.
So lets sit at our Abbas feet, lavish Him with love, be loved on by Him, and be expressions of His love to ourselves and those around us.